Early preparation key to stress-free Christmas for neurodivergent people

Every November Dana Stewart starts preparing her Christmas lunch.

All of the yummy dishes and treats are packaged up and put into the freezer, to save her from spending Christmas Day in the kitchen.

The mum of two from Port Macquarie on the New South Wales Mid North Coast doesn't stop at prepping Christmas lunch.

She also has all of her Christmas presents bought and wrapped in October to again relieve some of the stress of Christmas. 

As she crushes garlic for her vegan ricotta mix that will go into her gluten free cannelloni, a Christmas tradition for her Italian family, she makes a confession.

"I'm behind schedule this year!

"I'm a planner. My mum used to say: 'It takes more energy to think about something than to just go and do it.'"

Dana said if she was consumed by thinking about Christmas, she would cook when she felt inspired to, even if it was still two months away, and it was one less anxiety to deal with in December.

For Dana, who is also neurodivergent, being prepared is how she manages this busy and often stressful time.

"It definitely helps to have everything organised and keep the sensory levels down for me and the kids," she said.

She does her shopping during her supermarket's "quiet hour" when the lights are dimmed and the sounds are low.

While Dana has snapped up items on sale or items that might be in short supply come December, she said her preparations were less about cost saving and more about self-care.

Ainslie Robinson is a partnership officer at Aspect (Autism Spectrum Australia) and is autistic. 

As a parent, she knows the stresses of the busiest time of year.

She said she was not a fan of Christmas but her kids were, so she liked to go all out for them.

"Christmas can be stressful for all parents, but there's an extra layer for those who may already struggle with executive functioning," she said.

"To remember when everything is, planning for presents, events and parties."

Challenges of Christmas

Ainslie lays out some of the challenges around Christmas time for autistic people, such as greetings, social expectations, noisy events, the need for "same" foods, expected reactions when opening presents and not having space and permission to have downtime.

Ainslie has her own coping strategies to get through the lead-up to Christmas.

"Not going to shopping centres after November — all shopping is done online," she said.

"I get my children to write their Christmas list in August."

She suggested everyone in the family be asked what they loved about Christmas and what they really needed for themselves to manage.

"Pick the stuff that's important to the immediate members of your family and do not try to do all the things," she said.

Ainslie said most mothers, autistic or not, were stressed out by Christmas.

"I think some of these things can help a wide range of people," she said.

"You can really build your own thing — it can make it a lot more pleasant for everyone.

How everyone can help

Ainslie has some tips on how to make Christmas a good experience for everyone, especially if you're sharing it with autistic people:

•    Asking someone who's coming to your house what specific food they like, or giving permission for people to bring their own foods.

•    Being OK with opening gifts in private.

•    Asking what greeting they would prefer — a handshake, a hug or a wave — and for people to be genuinely OK with that.

•    Offering a breakout space people can go just to have some downtime and re-regulate.

"Just communicating with the people in your life and making the very best time with what they like to do is really important," Ainslie said.